I Don't Even Know
by thehappypursuit-182
Summary: "James," Logan begins, shakily, "people are wrong on the Internet."


Just a little snarky Jogan humour fic.

* * *

James sits at the kitchen table; looking over his sheet music in disgust. Gustavo's written them another horribly cliched song with the word 'Girl' in the title.

For the fourth time that week.

Sighing, he balls up the paper and throws it in the trash. He's not really worried about Gustavo getting mad, because Kelly can usually talk him out of producing these songs in a day or two. If they're lucky. As far as James is concerned, far too many of their songs are about girls already. But then again, they're a group of sixteen year-olds in a boy band. What else are they supposed to sing about? Hockey?

He's thinking about how well that would go over with the fangirls when a high-pitched shriek pierces the air.

James raises an eyebrow. That's Logan's shriek, no doubt about it. Rolling his eyes, he grabs a nearby newspaper and heads over to Logan's room. Most likely, Logan found another spider crawling around under his bed.

What he finds in Logan's room is much worse. Logan's seated at his desk; staring at his computer screen in absolute horror.

"What?" James asks, warily. "What's wrong?"

"James," Logan begins, spinning in his chair to face the other boy, "it's- wait. Since when do you read the newspaper?"

James sighs. "I don't, Logan. Only the sports section," he reminds gently. "I thought you saw another spider or something," he says, shrugging, and places the newspaper down on Logan's bed.

"This is way worse than spiders," the smaller says, shaking his head. "James," he begins, shakily, "people are wrong on the Internet."

James bursts out laughing. "Logan," he says, clutching his stomach, "people are wrong on the Internet_ every day_."

"But people are wrong about_ us _on the Internet," Logan says, twitching.

A feeling of coldness washes over the taller boy's body, and he stops laughing. "What do you mean?" He asks, suspiciously.

"You know those BTR forums that Gustavo got Kelly to set up?" Logan says, wringing his hands together.

"Yeah?" James asks, nervously.

The other clears his throat. "Well, I was going through them-"

"Logan," James interrupts, "the first rule of being famous is not to read about yourself on the Internet._ For God's sake, don't read about yourself on the Internet_."

"That would have been so much more helpful eight minutes ago, thanks," Logan says, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, I was going through them... and you know how there are Kendall girls, Carlos girls, and the like?" James nods. "Well, I was scrolling through the comments- fourteen girls think you're going to marry them, by the way- and there was this fight between a _Kenjo_ girl and a _Kogan_ girl-"

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" James moans.

Logan shoots him a look. "You should. So, I learned that Kenjo is a name that people came up with that stands for Kendall and Jo together. Like, _dating_ together."

"Like Brangelina," James inputs.

"Like Brangelina," Logan agrees. "But I couldn't figure out what Kogan was, so I looked it up-"

James sighs. "Oh, Logan." Taking in Logan's traumatized look he bravely asks, "Okay, what's a Kogan?"

"Not _'what's a'_, who is a," Logan says. "It's Kendall and me... together."

"Like _dating_ together?" James asks, awed.

The darker-haired boy nods. "Not only that, but look at this."

James swallows nervously, and approaches the computer screen. "The Palm Woods," James reads. "That's where we live."

"If only," Logan mutters, annoyed. He grabs the mouse and scrolls down. "What do you see now?"

"A whole bunch of comment/post things," James says, tilting his head. "Wait. What's a fanfic?"

Logan coughs. "It's a fictional story, written by a fan."

"Why are you blushing?" James asks, staring intently at Logan's face. "Oh my god. You read one."

"How do you think I found out what a fanfic was in the first place?" Logan scowls.

James shrugs. "You're a computer nerd. How do I know what you do when you're on here? Besides look yourself up on the web, of course."

"Never again," Logan shudders. "James... do you notice anything _odd_ about this particular site?"

James turned back to the screen and skimmed through the posts. "What's slash?"

"As in Kendall _slash_ Logan. Together. And it's always guy/guy."

The taller one froze. "You mean..."

"Yep."

"These people," James continued, "have a whole website devoted to us being gay with _each other_?"

"Yep," Logan said again, popping the 'p'.

"But why?" James sputtered.

Logan swiveled in his chair to face James. "I _told_ you people were wrong on the Internet."

James stares at one of the posts. _"Normally I'm a Jendall girl," _he reads, _"but here's a Kogan for all you lovelies. Yeah, IDEK."_He turns to Logan and raises an eyebrow. "IDEK?"

"I don't even know," Logan mutters.

"That's okay, Logan," James replies, patting him on the shoulder. "I don't expect you to know everything about the Internet."

Logan sighs in exasperation. "No, James. IDEK _means_ I Don't Even Know."

James works it through in his head and smiles sheepishly. "Oh."

"Yeah."

He turns back to the screen. "Well, click on it."

Logan stares at him incredulously. "Are you kidding? You must be joking, right?"

"Hey," James says, "you got to read one."

"Yes, but, I-" Logan sputters. "Fine," he bites out, and clicks the link. "I'm not reading it though."

"Thank you," James practically sings. He pours over the story; reading through every sentence meticulously to see exactly why these people think Logan and Kendall are together. Apparently, Kendall and Logan are really touchy-feely with each other. And that somehow means they're dating. Huh. Every so often he'll find a word or string of letters he doesn't understand and he'll ask Logan. It's the absolute highlight of his morning when Logan blushes bright red and grudgingly says, "Laughing My Fucking Ass Off."

The story goes along well- at least, as well as it can go when it's about two of your best friends being intimate with each other- until the seventh paragraph. He reads on in horror, and is sure he's absolutely scarred by the time he finishes. "Uh, Logan?" He asks.

"What?" Logan snaps, opening his eyes.

"Did you-" James starts again, cursing the blush that creeps up his neck.

Logan narrows his eyes. "_What,_ James?"

"Did-you-know-that-people-write-porn-about-you-on-the-Internet?" James blurts out, and he's pretty sure that sentence will never be right in his head. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

Logan freezes. "What are talking about-?" He looks at the screen. "No..."

"Yes."

"But-" Logan protests. Finally, sighing, he scrolls to the top of the page and begins to read. It's an odd experience, James thinks, watching someone else read a story about themselves. Logan occasionally scoffs if he thinks the writer misinterpreted something; he groans when the author spells something wrong, and he sighs whenever the author uses chat-speak in lieu of actual words during a conversation.

James thinks Logan looks almost _cute_ when he's this pissed off. In a friendly sort of way, of course.

My lord. The Internet is already messing with his head.

"I will never be okay again," Logan moans, and he actually slams his head against his desk. Somewhere in James' mind he thinks that if this were a fanfic the motion would be written as *head desk*, and that's when James is pretty sure the Internet is evil because it's infiltrating his brain.

"You'll never be okay again?" He blurts without thinking. "How do you think I feel?"

Logan turns to look at James slowly. "You read all of it?"

Oh. "Maybe?"

"This is so embarrassing," Logan moans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It could be worse," James pipes up. "Kendall could have-"

"Don't even finish that sentence."

James nods. "If it makes you feel better, I could find something really embarrassing on here about someone else."

This piques Logan's interest. "You mean there's stuff on there besides the Fuck Fest that is apparently me and Kendall?"

James raises an eyebrow. _Fuck Fest..? _"Apparently."

"Give me the mouse, James," Logan says, and James is a little afraid of the spark in Logan's eye.

"I'm not sure I should-"

Logan glares at him. "_Give it_, James."

"Okay," James allows, keeping a careful eye on what Logan's looking through.

"Oh my god," Logan sputters. "That is- This is amazing."

James is almost scared to ask. "What?"

Logan's grin is impossibly wide. "Just look," he says, pointing with his mouse.

_"Studio Four," _James reads. _"Have you ever noticed how Jett Stettson always dates his co-stars, gets dumped (or at least, claims to have been) by them a few weeks later, and then gets **really **chummy with the co-star's exes? Well suppose Jett's already through with Jo Taylor... and the tabloids have already picked up on the weird new friendship between Kendall Schmidt and Jett Stettson. (Told in the form of headlines and magazine articles.)" _James turned to Logan. "No way."

"Yes, way," Logan says, smiling. "Off topic, but does Kendall's phone have WiFi access?"

"Yes, it does," James answers. "And don't even pretend that's off topic because I see what you did there."

Logan smiles softly. "Already picking up the 'Net speak, yeah?"

"What?"

"I see what you did- Oh, never mind. Fine, so maybe I am going to send this to Kendall. What's your problem?"

James shrugs. "Oh, nothing. I approve, actually. What's the rating?"

"NC-17," Logan says with a smirk. "Same as the other one." The two high-five. Logan pulls his phone out of his pocket and begins to type. "This good?" He asks, holding his phone out to James.

_"Hey Kendall,_" James reads, _"why didn't you tell us?" _In below Logan has embedded the link. He smirks, because this will definitely pique Kendall's interest. "Perfect."

"That's what I was counting on," Logan says. He hits 'send', all while grinning like a maniac. As they're waiting for Kendall to respond they look through 'picspams', which James supposes is Internet lingo for 'Look at all these pictures that somehow prove the undying love these boys apparently have for each other!' Logan snickers at one particularly large one, and points out a picture to James where Logan's got his arm around Kendall's shoulder. "See this picture? It doesn't prove that our 'undying love is canon' or whatever that means; it proves that I was really tired after our concert and almost collapsed. Kendall just happens to be comfortable."

James nods in agreement. "See the one where I'm high-fiving Carlos? How does _that_ prove we're dating?"

(No, it hadn't taken James and Logan long to figure out that Kogan and Jarlos were the most popular 'ships'. Fangirls aren't exactly subtle.)

"I have no idea," Logan says, giggling. Suddenly, his phone beeps. They both look at each other and grin. Kendall.

James reaches the phone first, and laughs as he starts to read. _"Fucking assholes," _he reads. _"Logan, don't make me come & kill u & James. Yes, James, cuz Carlos is right beside me, & u specifically said 'us'._ _Not gonna lie, I will murder u. Oh, & happy reading_." James ceases laughing. "Uh, Logan? He sent us a link."

Logan snatches the phone away from James and starts typing it in. "If he wants to fight fire with fire," he mutters under his breath.

"You're not actually looking it up, are you?" James asks, groaning.

"We can't let him win, James."

James frowns. "How is having common sense 'letting him win'?"

"It's a matter of psychology," Logan says, and James wonders if Logan even knows what he's talking about.

"Fine, whatever," James says, resigned.

Logan turns to him with a smirk a moment later. "Got it."

_"A Jogan Rec Post," _he reads. _"Rec 1: **Yours by TangiblyYours **is such a cute little oneshot. Like, so cute and so little I won't spoil it for you. At all. So click, bbs! Pairings: Obv. the Jogan!"_

"Well, you heard her," Logan says. "We have to click."

James frowns. "Just a minute, Logan. Why would Kendall send you a link to a story where you and his girlfriend are the main pairing? Something doesn't add up here."

"Because Kendall's not much of the jealous type, and it probably involves me doing something really embarrassing?" Logan guesses as he clicks on the page.

Well, James can guarantee that by the time they're done reading the story they're both sufficiently embarrassed. Not because it has really bad grammar, which it doesn't; not because it has a horrible plot, when even James and Logan can see that it has it's merits, or because it's kinky, which it's not.

It's only more embarrassing than all the poorly written kink!fics simply because it's about them. _Together._

James_ really _hates the Internet right now.

"So," Logan chokes out.

James glares at him pointedly. "Don't even. This is all _your_ fault."

"Maybe we should-"

"-avoid each other like the Black Plague until this stops being embarrassing?"

"James, this will never stop being embarrassing. But agreed."

True to their word, they go about the rest of their day pointedly ignoring each other. It's mostly because if one so much as looks at the other they both break out into damningly bright blushes, and the sentence, _"Well, Logan __loved_ James, almost as much as James loved him.", runs through James' head and he can't make it _stop. _Obviously, this amuses both Carlos and Kendall to no end, so James ends up having to avoid them as well. Of course, he's not really sure if Logan's still hanging out with them, because he's kind of avoiding Logan like it's his job.

It's a week before James can look at Logan indirectly, and then it's a week and a half more before he can look the other in the eye. A couple of days after he can look Logan in the eye, he finds he can speak to Logan again. Logan just kind of nods back, but at least it's a start.

A month later, James is pretty sure Logan has forgotten all about it, because they're back to their old touchy-feely friendship. And that's the way James likes it. He's not afraid to give Logan high-fives anymore, and he can even put his arm around Logan's shoulder without either of them blushing now. He can even do back flips again now without worrying that they'll be too in sync and people will read into it.

Yep, life is good.

Until it isn't. "James," Logan whines to him, on a lazy Sunday afternoon. "People are wrong on the Internet again!"

James has to lead Logan away from the computer. "Let them be wrong," he shrugs. "What's the worst that can happen?"

Two years later, the shit storm that blows up in the fandom when Logan and him go public is worth it.

Especially when James starts getting little smiley face messages sent to his twitter from people he recognizes as Jogan shippers.

What? You actually expected him to give up the Internet?

James smiles, and types up a reply to all the little emoticon messages. "-JogansoKawaii -XxJamesxLoganxX -Joganismehlife -GimmeMyJogan Yeah, I don't even know. xoxo"

* * *

Credits:

This was partially inspired by Alex Day and Tom Milsom, **nerimon** and **hexachordal** respectively, and the video People are WRONG on INTERNET! on YouTube. Please go watch it.

Supernatural deserves some credit here. Those of you who know the show know what I'm talking about.

It was also partially inspired by my amazing fandom (and not so fandom) friends and our over use of IDEK. Seriously.

References:

_'James swallows nervously, and approaches the computer screen. "The Palm Woods," James reads. "That's where we live."'_: Yes, The Palm Woods. It's a really nice, well-organized community on Livejournal that I'm sure you've heard of. But if you haven't... it's essentially a place where you can post BTR slash fic, picspams, meta posts, reviews, etc.

_'"Studio Four," James reads."Have you ever noticed how Jett Stettson always dates his co-stars, gets dumped (or at least, claims to have been) by them a few weeks later, and then gets **really **chummy with the co-star's exes? Well suppose Jett's already through with Jo Taylor... and the tabloids have already picked up on the weird new friendship between Kendall Schmidt and Jett Stettson. (Told in the form of headlines and magazine articles.)" James turned to Logan. "No way."'_: This fic doesn't actually exist, but I kind of want to write it now. (I'm a horrible, horrible person.) Neither does the (apparently really bad) Kogan fic I mentioned earlier exist. I've never even read a bad Kogan story, nor do I think that kinky Kogan fics are necessarily bad. I wouldn't read them, but I certainly don't hate them with the _fiery passion_ James and Logan do. I just don't think that they'd appreciate it much.

_'As they're waiting for Kendall to respond they look through 'picspams', which James supposes is Internet lingo for 'Look at all these pictures that somehow prove the undying love these boys apparently have for each other!' Logan snickers at one particularly large one, and points out a picture to James where Logan's got his arm around Kendall's shoulder. "See this picture? It doesn't prove that our 'undying love is canon' or whatever that means; it proves that I was really tired after our concert and almost collapsed. Kendall just happens to be comfortable." _

_James nods in agreement. "See the one where I'm high-fiving Carlos? How does that prove we're dating?"'_: As far as I know, no picspam like this exists.

'_"A Jogan Rec Post," _he reads. _"Rec 1: **Yours**is such a cute little oneshot. Like, so cute and so little I won't spoil it for you. At all. So click, bbs! Pairings: Obv. the Jogan!"': _Yes, this fic exists (althoughit exists on this site, not Livejournal) and I bet many of you have read it and were nodding your head and smiling when I mentioned it. Basically, I want you to go read it and give it your love. Because I agree with Anonymous Jogan Fic Rec girl, because it's, like, so cute and so little I won't spoil it for you. At all. So click, bbs!

_'"-JogansoKawaii -XxJamesxLoganxX -Joganismehlife -GimmeMyJogan Yeah, I don't even know. xoxo"': _Okay, two things. 1) I'm sorry if that's actually your Twitter name. Like, really sorry. 2) The xoxo. Fans of James Maslow's Twitter know what I'm talking about.

-Pursuit


End file.
